Something’s Nibbling My Nuts
How to ruin a bird survey
Sporting a mild hangover from the previous evening’s blues bash I decided to set about my back garden until normal blood levels were resumed and I could get in my car.
The summerhouse and greenhouse were given a pre-Spring clean and a couple of beds were dug over ready for planting. I decided this would be a good opportunity to take part in the RSPB bird watch at the same time.
Taking into account the usual feeding time I stayed in the summerhouse awaiting the flocks of eagles, owls, kestrels and vultures that would surely arrive instead of the usual two blackbirds, twenty sparrows, five starlings and that cursed pigeon.
Imagine my suprise when the sparrows flew to their favourite feeder and then promptly cleared off without so much as a single nut. I couldn’t understand it, but then I remembered I was supposed to be counting birds in my garden, so typical of my luck none would appear. I glanced over at the peanut chalice and noticed something next to it. Was it a leaf? I looked closer……
Bloody hell! That’s where my nuts have been going. I couldn’t believe it. I approached the flea-ridden vermin with the stealth of a ballet dancing ninja assasin with size eleven boots. Would it hear/see/smell me before I took another step? At six feet tall and smelling like a beer barrel I didn’t fancy my chances. Did it scarper?
No! It showed complete disregard for the landowners prescence and his nuts. I briefly considered whacking it with my spade to show the animal kingdom who was the daddy but decided against it.
And then, all of a sudden it turned its head, looked up and shot off behind the skimmea.
Thinking my eau de stale beer had done the trick I turned to see the neighbours cat defecating in my newly dug bed. Needless to say I didn’t photograph that!
What incredible pictures !
I’ve got a squirrel in my garden though it and the birds have to fend for themselves food-wise
Rod
January 27, 2008 @ 9:23 am
Miles,
No one wants these little critters in the house but in their garden/field setting, there is definitely something of the Beatrix Potter about them. Are field mice endangered?
Your photographs are a delight.
Cid
January 27, 2008 @ 11:30 am
Rod,
Give them something to nibble on, “blow the expense and get the cat a kipper” as they say in your neck of the woods
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 2:28 pm
Cid,
Not sure if they are endangered, not in my garden anyway-unlike the cat!
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 2:29 pm
Miles,
I don’t worry about cats because there’s nothing in my garden in neat rows for them to scrap at. I advocate the jungle style of gardening to avoid disappointment
apart from my beloved back yard of course… cats seem to know this and stay away, or perhaps it’s the wind chimes. All that digging you do must seem like an open invitation…. you need a scarecrow, get your brother to stand in the veg patch now and then and see the animal kingdoms response 
Cid
January 27, 2008 @ 3:28 pm
Miles
I like to encourage them in a natural environment and that means foraging
January 27, 2008 @ 3:32 pm
Miles,
Great photos, fascinating how it got to them.. We spot a mouse from time to time in the Nean garden but not up the nuts. It is amazing how the sparrows and starlings have evolved and are able to hang on the nut hoppers. We put two up so that the greenfinches and bluetits get a look in. We had the usual crowd in for the bird count, nothing as spectacular as you.
Elsie
January 27, 2008 @ 4:01 pm
Cid,
A good idea, not sure he would play along though! I think the cat would be better behaved, and it smells better
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 6:09 pm
Rod,
Well batted! always an answer as a wise old man once (or several) times told us.
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
Elsie,
Amazing isn’t it, mouse this week, herd of wilderbeast the next
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 6:12 pm
Miles,
“herd of wilderbeast the next ”
Funny you should say that as Cid and I were thinking of checking out the nature potential of your garden
Elsie
January 27, 2008 @ 7:09 pm
Elsie,
You said it!!
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 7:22 pm
Elsie,
Here we go again, one minute we’re building hides, the next we’re designing corrals for passing Wildebeest…. good job we’re around to guide Miles through life’s potentially hazardous situations
I suggest we waste no time in installing a cattle grid at The Ranch and possibly a sheep dip… don’t expect me to do any branding, I’m plumping for the silk screen printing option of Miles image on the rear of anything that passes the gate
… won’t the postman be surprised!
Cid
January 27, 2008 @ 8:31 pm
Cid,
Talking of images of me, I had the bad fortune to be photographed for the local rag about a year ago. The newspaper wrote to the General Manager asking if he wanted any of the images used as gift items. A week later I was handing out t-shirts, mugs, beer mats and mouse mats with my picture on them to my chefs, friends and an ungrateful brother.
That said, I recall being on the front page of the Westmoorland Gazette in Cumbria for winning a national cooking competition some years ago only to find my fish and chips wrapped in the same paper the following day! I said to the chip shop owner “that’s a bit harsh” which he found hysterical and let me off the price-result!
Miles
January 27, 2008 @ 8:44 pm
Miles,
As your fame grows, so will the value of your beer mats etc… somewhere in his valuables closet, your brother will have tissue wrapped these treasures for future profit
Cid
January 28, 2008 @ 7:50 am
Cid,
I wouldn’t put it past him
Miles
January 28, 2008 @ 9:26 am
Miles,
“something nibbling your nuts”, hey. How about you cooking it? Wouldn’t it make some sort of a roast stuffed with nuts? Just a thought
Christine
January 28, 2008 @ 4:59 pm
Christine,
It reminded me of a scene from Blackadder many years ago when Baldrick asks Lord Blackadder if he wants his rat ’sauteed or fricasseed’
Miles
January 28, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
To All,
I am still waiting for the picture of Miles in his serape and sombrero. Now if Rod, The Scarecrow, will pose with him…will think of the t-shirts we could then have. I see the possibilities for a new movie on the order of Bill and Ted’s Great Adventure, only with the Collins Boys. We could even do a variation on the Three Amigos-Rod, Miles, and Tom Collins ride again.
Annie
January 30, 2008 @ 8:28 pm
Annie,
Whilst I understand that most women under the age of 80 would like a photo of Butch and Sundance Collins…. I feel the shot you missed some time ago was of Miles and I dressed in full ceremonial kimonos, a cunning disguise to assist us in blending in with the general scene. We followed Rod in silent 007 style, hiding behind lampposts etc in order to protect him during a tentative first date. It’s no good, I’ve got to stop thinking of the boys as teenagers and in need of the watchful eye of a big sister
All of that is true… except the part where Miles and I are in kimonos and the lamppost thing
There is however a good book waiting to be written one day I’m sure. It would be interesting to hear who the boys would choose to represent themselves in the movie.
Cid
January 30, 2008 @ 9:33 pm
Cid,
If George Clooney could cook then I reckon that’s about as close as you’re going to get
Miles
January 30, 2008 @ 9:41 pm
Annie,
After my first two days back at work I’d drop Rod and stick with Tom, far less stressfull!
Miles
January 30, 2008 @ 9:42 pm