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Return to Old Blighty
A chef’s homecoming….
It’s the spring of 1993, a cold winter in Southern Germany has passed and after a less than happy Christmas I have developed itchy feet once again. I know that I need to go back to England if I want to climb up the proverbial kitchen ladder, it wasn’t going to happen for me in Europe and I had ambition.
There was a lot that I missed about England at that time, I swapped a spit and saw dust gym for a high tech ‘kraft studio’ with juice bars and mixed changing rooms ( that wasn’t all bad) gave up spit and sawdust sunday lunch drinking sessions with the boys for a bar stool in a Greek bar with only a half shot Greek bar owner to talk to. I had achieved what I had set out to do; learn more about food, live in another country, speak the language like a local and, most importantly improve my CV.
After a joyous weekend spent drinking beer and eating Mrs Collins’ finest sunday lunch I headed North West for two interviews in the English Lake District. I boarded the train bound (via six stops) for Cumbria without a clue about the area, the hotels, the food or the pay. I was utterly carefree, I trusted my senses, once I saw the kitchen I would know if it was going to be for me.
Seven hours, two soggy British Rail sandwiches and a bout of cramp later and I found myself stepping onto the platform at Windermere and straight into a Beatrix Potter landscape. Now I knew what 1953 must have been like, I was living it forty years later. I asked where the taxi rank was, there wasn’t one. Queen Victoria in the train ticket office pointed me in the direction of the 1953 red telephone box and told me to try Ambleside taxi’s. I wanted to ask if the phone took shillings or new pence but saw the size of her knitting needle and thought better of it.
I called a taxi, it would be there in an hour and a half. The fog began to descend and the damp chill cut through my inappropriate German clothing. I went back to Queen Victoria and her version of the Bayeux Tapestry in local wool to ask if walking to Ambleside was an option. A satanic grin broke free from under her facial hair as she said “Depends how fit you are” I waited for the taxi.
Waiting for a taxi in Cumbria is slow death personified, asking how long it will be is an excercise in sheer futility, it’s a lottery. I spent over four years in the Lake District and every time I called a taxi you could guarantee I would get the alcoholic Scotsman called Andy whose nervous twitch in his left shoulder took my mind off his inability to drive in a straight line. The only other driver, a scouser called Billy was so popular, due largely to his ability to drive whilst sober was constantly booked up I used to run the gauntlet with Andy just so that I could get to a bar before closing time.
My first interview was at a large hotel between Windermere and Ambleside, it looked straight out over Lake Winderemere and the view took my breath away. Something in my brain told me that this is where I belonged. I met the chef who was very charasmatic, he had worked in Stuttgart so half the interview was conducted in German. He had a position avaliable on the sauce section and he would like me to meet the Senior Sous Chef for the final part of the interview-at 8.30 in the bar over a game of pool and a few beers.
I rang the employment agency who had set up my next interview and told them to cancel it, I still hadn’t been offered this job but felt sure that I would. Two pints of local bitter later and I was back in employment, three days after coming home. Little did I realise how long I would end up staying and the culture shocks that were to follow…
Great write up !
February 12, 2008 @ 9:16 am
Miles,
More, more, more….
I can’t wait for the next installment. You are a big tease
Christine
February 12, 2008 @ 10:09 am
Miles,
Cut to the bit where you’re in a white shirt and diving into the pond
As usual, a fabulous memoir, roll on part two… I’m sure we’re all longing to find out what happens next.
Cid
February 12, 2008 @ 10:38 am
Christine
calling for more will hasten the end
Not much further to go I suspect by the timeline - it better have a good ending !
Regards
Rod
February 12, 2008 @ 4:39 pm
Thanks all, the Lake District proved to be a particularly memorable period in my life. It’s just a question of remembering it in some sort of order.
Miles
February 12, 2008 @ 4:41 pm
Rod,
I am sure it will be worth waiting for and not just half baked
Christine
February 12, 2008 @ 8:06 pm
Christine
touché !
Rod
February 13, 2008 @ 8:06 am
Miles,
I picture the scene now as we watch your story (film) unfold: Annie, clutching the popcorn, Cid nibling on something exotic she has created and me devouring the finest chocolates. How very splendid
Elsie
February 13, 2008 @ 11:03 am
I’ve got my popcorn, the previews of coming attractions have just abpout finished, and here we sit, Elsie, Cid, and I. We toy with the idea of chanting “Boil, boil, toil and trouble…” and decide it might be better to just whistle the theme for “Bridge over the River Kwai.” That will surely rouse all in the theatre to follow our lead. We know we must buy Miles, our mate, some time.
February 15, 2008 @ 7:50 pm
Annie and Elsie,
George Clooney is playing Miles I understand, so let’s not buy him too much time….. on with the show that’s what I say
Meantime we will all be delighted to spend time with this wonderful man, discussing the plot etc and it might be nice to meet George too…
Cid
February 15, 2008 @ 10:06 pm
Cid,
I’ve been called many things in my career and compared to a number of famous men (Satan, Stalin, etc) but never George. I’d take it as a compliment but he’s older than me
Miles
February 15, 2008 @ 10:28 pm
Miles,
Be thankful for small blessings. She might have selected someone like Benny Hill (God rest his soul) to play the part of you.
February 16, 2008 @ 2:32 am
Annie,
God forbid! I was thinking more Matt Damon-we’re the same age you know
Miles
February 16, 2008 @ 7:55 am
Miles,
We could go with Matt… he’s shorter and possibly not as fit but we’d be prepared to overlook certain qualities… does anyone know if he can cook?
I shall apply for the part of tea lady with the squeaky trolley… George (now understudy) will recognize my potential hidden beneath the overalls and sweep me off my feet… for this I’d be prepared to waive my £5 fee
Cid
February 16, 2008 @ 11:14 am
Is there room for the dotty old auntie? There was a character in one of the newer “Marple” series who sat with binoculars to watch the things going on around her. I could model my character after her.
February 16, 2008 @ 8:25 pm
Cid,
I think I will let you move on with Matt whilst I act out the foreign part with George. Hm, George & Mildred spring to mind but then, no, that wouldn’t do at all.
Annie, you could be looking around the mountains with your binocs.
Miles, you being the author, will have to ensure correct acting parts. On with the story please, Maestro ~ ~ ~
Elsie
February 16, 2008 @ 8:48 pm
Elsie,
I hope Matt’s not going to be trouble when I tell him he’s a bit young for me… he has the look of someone not long out of short trousers. Perhaps his boyish qualities will win me over in the end but I think I ought to tell him outright that I’m no good at conkers
Good luck with George… I hear Miles is insisting on having oxygen on the set, presumably for our benefit
Cid
February 17, 2008 @ 10:37 am
If I am playing the dotty old aunt with the binoculars, I think I’ll also need support stockings, and a good deal of gin to make the part come alive. A flouncy hat, slightly misshapen would be a nice touch also.
Annie
February 17, 2008 @ 10:53 pm
Annie,
Support stockings and the like are all available from Miles’ costume department…. or as it is better known, the dressing up box. As for the gin, well that’ll be on tap so no worries there either.
Thought I’d have a go at playing the 25 yr old leggy blonde Miles (Matt) meets on the train…. as yet only the one line…. ‘tickets please’! For this I’ll need a good deal of help, like a mass of makeup and a leg double
Cid
February 18, 2008 @ 1:36 pm
Miles
Where were we? What was your post about? Not that anyone digressed, of course
Elsie
February 18, 2008 @ 2:57 pm
Elsie, post? Were we commenting on a post? I had forgotten that bit. Must be the dottiness combined with the gin. Cid, maybe Elsie can do double duty as the leg double, or maybe the older brother? Maybe, like Alice, we have all gone down the rabbit hole. Oh yes, in the Lake Country, Beatrix, Peter Rabbit. I once had a very nice ferry ride on Lake Windemere. The van safari of the surrounding district was also quite nice. Are we back on track now?
February 19, 2008 @ 12:30 am