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Christmas…Bah Humbug!
Oh to work in an office…
December is a truly depressing month for a chef, the only good part is the end of it. For the chef, December starts in February when the festive menus have to be written and sent off for printing. I forget all about it until October when I have to put in my pre orders with the main suppliers. This is when I have to sit down and guess how many people out of two thousand or so will order turkey, christmas pudding etc in order to guarantee my deliveries.
Christmas doesn’t rear its ugly head again until the last week in November when the party season begins in earnest. Chefs up and down the country will be cooking and slicing turkeys like never before (well, for a year) and the smell of sprouts boiling away in huge pans makes you dream of curries, pasta and anything unrelated to christmas dinner.
December is the month for office parties up and down the country, a time for everyone to enjoy themselves but the chefs. I would mention other unfortunate souls such as restaurant managers and waiters but I am a chef so they can get their own website. It can often mean a time for mild amusement for chefs as the end of service approaches, uninvited drunken guests wanting to thank the chef, watching the banqueting staff asking the guests to kindly not to throw the mince pies across the room or someone falling over the disco.
Five day weeks turn into six and seven, split shifts merge into all day’ers and patience runs thin. Shopping centres are full of irate chefs trying to buy presents (or just park the car) during a two hour break.
Finally the party nights are over, time to relax? Oh no, Christmas proper kicks in and guess what? more turkey and sprouts. Boxing day comes and goes, great! relax? no chance, there will be a wedding, spill over lunch and dinner bookings and then there’s New Years Eve.
A word of warning, if you are at a party and there is a late arrival the chances are it’s a chef. He/she will be sober, tired and generally annoyed. You are probably drunk which is also annoying, no we don’t want a dance, thankyou. Yes, we are sick of the sight of turkey and no we wont be eating it for christmas lunch.
The agony of it all…..
Chef,
excellent !
Particularly love the last paragraph.
December 3, 2007 @ 9:26 am
Miles,
The rate I’m going at the old slow cooker, I know there will be an urge to bung whatever it is, into it the night before
I shall dance about the kitchen in my black satin robe without a care in the world knowing that Nigella can knock up an express banquet in minutes …. then I shall remember it’s me with Pimms spilt down said robe and sans cosmetics, I am looking a lot more like Mrs Overall …. but I will love it because I love the tree and glittery things and the dreaded twisted hazel arrangement that falls over every year draped in a collection of glamorous and increasingly heavy baubles!
Cid
December 3, 2007 @ 12:36 pm
Miles,
Sounds all like a nightmare to me. So I shall do my bit to help chefs by not going out to eat this month.
Cid, I think we will need to stand by on all fronts: calming essential oils , pinnies in case we are needed in the kitchen, drafting posts and getting that snipe for Christmas Day? On second thoughts, perhaps not, it is still a bird.
December 3, 2007 @ 4:19 pm
Derfel,
It’s true! everybody thinks we’re bloody miserable but we’re just plain jealous of all those 9-5ers!
Miles
December 3, 2007 @ 4:23 pm
Cid,
Sans cosmetics! I am sure you don’t need them anyway! As for the baubles, well it shouldn’t be long before the government issue guidelines on size and weight of decorations along with a fixed penalty for any breach of regulations.
Miles
December 3, 2007 @ 4:25 pm
Elsie,
The way the turkey prices are going it may be cheaper to buy snipe!
Miles
December 3, 2007 @ 4:26 pm
Elsie,
You’re so right…. mind you he won’t want the calming stuff, better we think up a herbal cocktail to assure extra speedy service. Doubtless he’ll wonder what has
hit himhappened especially when he finds out he’s enjoying the whole thing… ‘what no turkeys, only Bernard Mathews twislers… never mind, who will ever know, take a seat ladies and help yourselves to some homemade chocolate truffles, you look like you need a break’…. or something along those lines!Cid
December 3, 2007 @ 6:32 pm
Miles,
In no time I expect to be behind bars when my baubles break every statute
Cid
December 3, 2007 @ 6:36 pm
Cid,
I don’t doubt it for a moment!
Miles
December 3, 2007 @ 9:32 pm